How can a boy live his virility, after having lived his entire life between two women who claim to love each other with tender love?
Life cannot be improvised. From the infinitely large to the infinitely small, man only discovers each time, an immutable and unavoidable order to which he must submit in order to master it and, if necessary, put it at his service. This is the case with nuclear energy, electricity and the complex mysteries of the functioning of our anatomy, our physiology and our psychology which always amaze with their complexity. Any transgression of these orders inevitably results in a disorder, a pathology, a catastrophe to the detriment of the normal course of life.
Animal society is also structured on this same model aiming for a certain harmony of the whole for its happiness and sustainability. We cannot talk about happiness without mentioning a fundamental factor that conditions it, health – physical and mental –. Happiness is this possibility of combining one’s reason for being with one’s joy of living and this cannot be improvised. It brings into play a whole set of parameters whose mastery can only be acquired from a given environment, unique in the matter, which is the family or its substitutes, familiar environments. School also intervenes to a certain extent if the development of the individual is not fundamentally distorted. As an African saying goes, ‘the two or three drops of dirty water remaining at the bottom of the jar will not fail to give their taste to the contents’.
The individual’s background is structured from early childhood to acquire the necessary knowledge for growth and to cope with the vicissitudes of life. This unconscious, which is communal, finds its elements, future drivers of its motivations, in its relationships with its immediate surroundings to determine it as man or woman and teach it behavior according to its physical and physiological sex. What is essential for the balance of one’s personality: inner harmony which is projected onto those around it and constitutes mental health. This mental health is harmony with oneself and this harmony with others. You cannot claim to be in harmony with yourself and not be in harmony with others. Or even saying that you feel good about yourself and not being able to get along with others. This is the constant problem of the paranoiac who finds faults in other Rous that he does not dare admit to himself.
The psychological and emotional development of the child requires, to be harmonious, the presence at his side, of a sample of each sex to learn to be a man or a woman, even if the gestation has been induced by in vitro insemination. A sperm has never fertilized another sperm nor has an egg fertilized another egg. It is necessary for a sperm to meet an egg, even if tens of millions are needed to successfully complete the operation; it is the law and order of nature, the mother of us all. The contribution of chromosomes from men and women constitutes the genetic heritage of the unborn child. Likewise, the model of the behavior of the parents will provide benchmarks for the personality of the young child, who will not later start to improvise behavior with excesses of violence which lead to delinquency, so much inventoried and decried currently. His learning of life is not the result of pure chance. Which puts the family back in its place of nobility that someminds want to challenge it by considering it as a simple social convention. In certain African ethnic groups, which do not have elaborate formalities for celebrating weddings, the true union is found at the level of offspring, of the union of the two families, through the children who belong to the two communities. Parents can separate and rebuild their lives as they see fit. Children cannot allow themselves another father or another mother as they see fit. They live an unchangeable blood bond.
Marriage is therefore not only a religious, legal or conventional institution to make two beings, of different sexes, take responsibility for the future of their children, human beings are not made to live alone. Man is a solitary but united being who must find in his partner psychological and even physical complementarity for his pleasure and joy. Naturally, all our vital acts, eating, drinking, urinating, etc. are gratified by an even more marked sensation of pleasure with sexual intercourse to ensure the sustainability of the race. But sexuality does not consist exclusively of the play of the genitals, genitality, but of a whole set of behaviors, which, in the long run, gives a quality of life to our existence. The exclusive search for pleasure alters its primary meaning and becomes annexation, a slavery of the individual to his instincts; despite the fact that man is not made to suffer.
This frantic search for individual pleasure characterizes so-called developed societies. Thus pleasure is confused with joy which is communicative and which is part of the essential to transmit to children so that they find in their life a reason for being which gives them a joy of living, in short happiness, which leads to others. ‘‘Because without others, I shiver with loneliness’’.
This other can only effectively play its role in complementarity like the two arms which hang from each side of our body and whose combined actions allow us to achieve wonders. Feelings of tenderness between two individuals of the same sex are normal and beyond reproach. Everyone goes through this stage of homosexuality during their emotional development when they integrate into an age group for the identification of their son-in-law. When this relationship involves the use of the genitals, we will then speak of pederasty in men and lesbianism in women, sexual relations between individuals of the same sex.
How can two beings of the same sex honestly educate another to live harmoniously in a society where men and women are called to live together? How can a boy live his virility, after having lived his entire childhood between two women who claim to love each other with tender love? Or again, a girl, her femininity, having never had a maternal figure to oppose in order to satisfy her Oedipus complex? We must make an exception here for single-parent families, who are forced to fend for themselves. Statistics show that there are more abandoned mothers than single fathers caring for their children.
Ultimately, it is regrettable to deprive a child, who did not ask to be born, of the ideal conditions for its development and development, despite adequate innate potential, the entourage not being up to the task of doing the rest. The law of nature being flouted somewhere, and pleasure beingthe primary objective of the homosexual couple, the psychological future of the child is jeopardized. Having children for the homosexual couple would be just another form of ownership for the pleasure of having human beings who belong to them in their entourage and to whom we transmit the same taste for living. You can only give what you value yourself. Because, after all, the legal provisions concerning the common life of homosexuals, the PACS, only aim in the first place at the management of material goods and their transfer from one interested partner to the other. It is certainly not a question of human beings, such as children, involved in this kind of marriage. Fortunately, some states, which authorize these marriages, prohibit the adoption of children by homosexual couples.
The future of our society depends on these choices against which voices are raised vehemently to prevent a certain decline which threatens the human race. Procreation by cloning is one of them, with all the risks of unpredictable congenital malformations. This will be the generation of children with absent parents, like the sheep Dolly who has neither father nor mother.
Life cannot be improvised. It is a constant becoming following a rigorous order and which has its laws which one cannot disobey without suffering the consequences which result from it, the immutable rule of causes and effects.
Dr Raymond JOHNSON Psychiatrist-psychoanalyst NB: Article published in Destins n°20
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