It’s the crisis. At least that’s what the politicians who want to establish themselves as the savior of the people say. Do you want to feed your family or stuff your digs? Stop playing the lottery, it’s expensive and it doesn’t pay much. Become a clairvoyant scammer. The down payment is low and the payoff is huge if you follow the tips below:
1) Do like Donald Trompe, forget your scruples. Well yes, you will destroy the lives of hundreds of people in moral and financial distress. They will come to you, full of hope, and leave loaded with debt. The slightest ounce of real compassion would be fatal to your new activity.
2) Find a mysterious-sounding first name. Admit that Esméralda or Otto are more impressive than Josette. However, don’t go too far into the strange. With Lucifer or Morticia, you would scare away customers. In addition, you risk attracting the wrath of beings who do not admit competition… Then, find a name that catches the eye. More than 200 years after the Revolution, the particle is making gogoes lose their minds. Hermione De La Tricherie shines brighter than Jean-Phil Meklian.
3) Move to town. The customer potential is greater there. Without forgetting that the lack of solidarity and the pollution that reigns there predispose to depression and cancer. Two evils which will be your friends and suppliers of gogos, as the people who suffer from them are vulnerable and ready to give you everything in exchange for a little hope. In the countryside, you will have less chance of raking in the rascals. People are suspicious there, the charlatans are quickly unmasked, tarred, feathered.
4) Plan a good internet budget. Word of mouth only works for real psychics, only the internet can fill your office. Multiply the sites to your glory, but don’t forget to specify that your best advertising is word of mouth.
5) Cast your net wide. Love, money, health, work: nothing can resist you. You overcome all problems thanks to your multiple and incomparable talents. As long as you are a charlatan, don’t do things by halves: you are the Mozart of divination.
6) Rake very wide. Like Gaston Ouvrard, everyone has their own little health problem. Invent a paramedical specialty: magnetism, litho-therapy, naturopathy, umbiliculotherapy. But above all, don’t say that you treat illnesses, just to avoid trouble with the law. On the other hand, your false testimonials from fake customers in your fake guest books can boast of the miracles that you humbly perform every day. Next to you, J-C is a little player…
7) Obtain as many diplomas as possible today. To do this, you don’t need to be a genius, rest assured. Pseudo schools of parapsychology are legion. Of course, they were created by scammers. But who other than a scammer can teach you how to scam people? Cheaper, the laser printer. In two seconds it prints you a bac+5 in scrology.
8) Invent yourself a long, very long experience in the practice of divinatory arts. And far, far away. But know how to remain mysterious about the dates and places. This avoids mixing brushes.
9) The gifts are generally revealed, if not transmitted, by someone in the community,multiply your godparents. The more there are of them and the more extraordinary the donations they send you, the more money you will be able to extort. Don’t forget, however, that your godmothers and godfathers must live very, very far away. Better yet, they have to be dead. Sometimes someone might be tempted to talk to them…
10) Write your own Guestbook. Full of testimonials of recognition, very anonymous. Don’t forget to point out that you should be wary of bogus testimonials that fill competitors’ boxes with gold. Ah, don’t forget to go write rave testimonials about girlfriends. They will return the favor and you will be able to boast that you are recognized by the profession.
11) Have a celebrity clientele. It always wows and it’s so easy. Celebrities often agree to selfies with fans. Cover your office and your site with these photos and you can make everyone believe that you are the clairvoyant to the stars, the marabout of politicians. There are even many ex-show-biz stars who will agree to say that you are an extraordinary clairvoyant, as long as you buy them a good bottle. Or two.
12) Appear without your knowledge of your own free will on all clairvoyance guides, internet or paper. Especially on the most disheveled ones. And don’t forget, as soon as they are released, to post rave comments about these guides. Under a second nickname of course, just to pass yourself off as a customer.
13) Be on TV. With the number of bogus reporting shows, it’s easy. Certainly, you will go between “my rooster crows raggamuffin” and “my grandmother perfumes herself with cabécou, but you will be able to boast of being known and recognized by the media.
14) Get your customers talking. A well-conducted conversation is a wealth of information to collect and re-serve in flash form.
15) Retain the loyalty of the gogos. Sorry, customers. If in the testimonials you have invented you solve all the problems in such a brilliant and lightning way, for real customers things must be long and difficult. A returning victim means money every morning, a crook’s proverb. The more complicated the case, the higher the bank account.
16) Don’t forget occult works. It is an incomparable source of income. Especially since they require neither investment nor the slightest effort. Indeed, any occult work has two essential characteristics: it does not exist and it is very expensive. Whether it’s a ceremony in an exotic country, a powder of perlimpinpin, a pebble transformed into a magic stone, working on an ex’s photo to get him back, occult work requires you to spend time by your pool in your stunning villa on the French Riviera. Well worth a few thousand euros, right?
17) Count on the placebo effect. Healing by autosuggestion exists in medicine as in quackery.
18) Don’t be modest. If chance dictates that you fall just for only 1% of your customers, do not hesitate to assert that 99% of your victims are satisfied with you. Everyone will believe they are part of the remaining 1% and will tell themselves that luck is definitely not on their side.
19) Avoid saying that you get your gift from God himself. You would be told that Jesus never got paid. And then you have to avoid getting angry with the big boss, remember Sodom and Gomorrah.
20) Pretend to be thehero of the hunt for clairvoyance scams. Even if you have never done anything concrete to help consumers or fight against your scammer friends. The brats let themselves be fooled by the heroes, even if they are zeros.
21) Protect yourself from detractors. A customer complains about you on a forum? This must be a bogus testimony to hurt you… The media are denouncing your deceptive practices? It’s definitely defamation, jealousy, harassment. No, but it’s true, since I tell you that my reputation and my ethics are flawless! It’s well known, you are almost a saint. I said almost. Plan to move far, far away, as soon as the tide turns. Because one day or another, someone will prove that your only gift is to defraud others.
22) Start writing, brag about your merits, show off your successes. Advertising, copyright and customers guaranteed.
23) Think before you start. “He who plays with fire will perish by fire.” You are about to play with forces whose magnitude you cannot imagine. A certain Doctor Faust lost his soul there. Without going that far, learn that since 1987, INAD has helped many victims win their cases. Amicably or in court.
Buffy Brinogene
Report
Report
Report