As agreed, we are publishing this second and final article on homosexuality, the opinion of which will perhaps remove the misunderstanding or misinterpretation of the first which, let us remember, is an opinion, that of a doctor, Dr Raymond Johnson.
A surprising meeting with people we don’t know well. Beware of preconceived ideas… A little over 20 years ago, the homosexual community found itself exposed with the discovery of AIDS. It has also always been systematically associated with this terrible scourge since then, not necessarily rightly as we will see later. The creation of gaypride, the explosion of “coming out” of personalities from politics or showbiz, a few successful films (Les nuits fauves, Gazon maudit, Pédale bleue, L’homme est une femme comme les autres, The crazy love story of Simon Eskenazy), and finally the adoption of the PACS have contributed to a certain acceptance of a state of affairs on the part of all French citizens: yes, homosexuality exists and no, homosexuals are not psychotics or perverts. However: homosexuality is still a taboo subject in our society and many of us feel a certain discomfort in the presence of a homosexual. This discomfort unfortunately often turns into disgust among many French people: as proof, “faggot” is one of the insults that we hear most often in the street. This shows the lack of analytical skills of the French. Regardless, homosexuals remain somewhat on the margins of French society, and it is not so long ago that a certain collaborationist government contributed to the sending to extermination camps of any person recognized or designated as homosexual. In Paris of course, homosexuals have managed to integrate, by dint of imposing themselves, into civil society. Whether in the Marais district (golden ghetto?) or elsewhere in the capital, it is not much more difficult for a homosexual person to find housing, work and have fun. But what about in the Province? This is what we wanted to know. More than 120 homosexual men and women (single, civil union or common law), aged 20 to 63, agreed to answer our questions. It goes without saying that we cannot generalize the results of this survey to the entire provincial homosexual community. However, this investigation undermines some of the preconceived ideas we have about the habits and feelings of these people we often meet without knowing it.
It all starts in adolescence
The first preconceived idea is to believe that we become homosexual out of spite or following a disappointment in love… The majority of people interviewed tell us they discovered their homosexuality as a teenager, between 14 and 17 years old. Many even say they “felt” something at the very beginning of puberty, or even from childhood. The oldest (40 years and over) have often had heterosexual experience, sometimes very long, and say they discovered their homosexuality after a divorce or a romantic breakup. Once again, we are surprised to see that many people specify that their homosexuality was in fact latent and were just waiting for a trigger to reveal itself to them. It has happened, exceptionally, that homosexuality is the cause of the end of the life of a heterosexual couple. Despite May 68 and the sexual liberation that flooded the world in the early 1970s, the shackles of tradition often stifledreality of attractions. As a result, admitting one’s homosexuality to oneself remained unthinkable for a long time at a time when homosexuality was considered a shameful illness. You therefore had to put this facet of your personality aside, you had to have a so-called “normal” life, get married and have children. The era therefore provided many customers for psychologists, antidepressant sellers and other cafe owners. Grandpa Sigmund had his work cut out for him! Did you say evolution? Obviously, times change. Thanks to the deep work of some associations, and perhaps to some strong demands, it seems easier today to accept one’s homosexuality, even if others sometimes make you feel your “difference”. However, the problem remains delicate for adolescents. Everyone knows the harshness that young people sometimes show towards each other. The adolescence period is always difficult for all boys and girls. But imagine what a young person can experience who discovers their sexuality and their homosexuality at the same time. Let’s go a little further and now imagine the difficulty of discussing the “thing” with those around you. Not easy. Some only told parents or friends. Others to parents and friends. Others finally announced their homosexuality to everyone around them: work, friends, brothers. Without, however, going so far as to make demands, as Thibaud, 22, explains: “I have nothing to hide from those around me, but I am not the provocative type. I must admit that girls are more understandable than boys, always ready to winnow. And it quickly becomes heavy.” The “coming out” which seems de rigeur today in Paris is still not on the agenda in the Province. And if it is young homosexuals who talk about it the most, it is undoubtedly because the 20-year-old generation shows a broader open-mindedness towards its fellow citizens. When we are immersed in differences since local school, we accept others better as they are. Once again, young people show that they do not have all the faults in the world, far from it!
Machos against gays!
Even if our society is evolving, homosexuals do not see life in roses. In the provinces, especially in small towns, the homosexual is still singled out. People whisper when they pass by, they mock, they castigate. Rarely in front. In spite of the fact that we play the “good chic good kind” bourgeois way, we have nonetheless kept this good old peasant vice which consists of exhuming and criticizing the smallest fault of our neighbor. At this game, men are particularly gifted and fierce. Their victims? Homosexual men. For what reason? Firstly because women are so discreet about their sexuality (apart from the bourgeois who treat themselves to everything that walks on three legs) that we cannot tell the difference between a straight woman and a goudou (lesbian for short). But above all because homosexuality affects the homo sapiens male on an ultra sensitive point: his Cro-Magnonesque machismo. You will be a man, a real one, my son. And for this, your sexual impulses will only be aimed at a woman. Or failing that, to a goat.
To A.i.d.e.s!
When we experience some relational difficulties with our contemporaries, it often happens that we turn to the associative environment. France is the country with the largest and most active voluntary sector. And this, in all areas. Many associationsevolve in the homosexual sector. A homosexual association can be found even in the smallest provincial towns. In approaching this subject, we found ourselves faced with an astonishing paradox: if 97% of those questioned say they know the homosexual associations in their region, only two of them claim to have used their services, none is a member of an association, and only one admits to having the intention of being part of one of them. The others say they see “no use in contacting them”. Moreover, even if some recognize that the actions carried out by the associations “have contributed to the acceptance of homosexuals by society”, the majority of those questioned remain doubtful about their actions (Editor’s note. none of the associations contacted deigned to respond officially to our survey on adoption. However, this seemed to us a good opportunity for them to express themselves). The opinions of provincial homosexuals become downright negative about Act up. This association for the defense of AIDS patients, which has made itself known through initiatives sometimes bordering on legality, is almost unanimously against it. It is judged (perhaps wrongly) too demonstrative and too radical. In the provinces, we don’t like to disturb people. Conversely, AIDES is popular with everyone. This is explained by a desire for long-term, in-depth action, with respect for all citizens. The association’s volunteers are present in all French departments and work to help all AIDS patients. A real painstaking effort, often carried out far from the media, which is bearing fruit. Finally, it should be noted that some associations with a more playful aim have flourished here and there in the provinces. We should perhaps see this as a sign of the end of the time of demands, and thus the beginning of the acceptance of homosexuals by our right-thinking society.
One day forever
Gay people are having fun and it’s not from today. With the proliferation of gay pride in regional metropolises, we have the impression that by being able to express themselves in broad daylight and in such an exuberant way, the homosexual community could finally have freed itself from the Judeo-Christian shackles to enjoy the pleasures of life. We love each other and we have fun, everyone is beautiful, everyone is nice. The proof is that in the past political figures fought to be seen there. Not anymore. Seen from outside (from the province, therefore), gay pride increasingly delivers a distorted image of homosexual reality. Especially since the media delight in these images of overexcited girls who have nothing to do with daily provincial reality. Because so many homosexuals (especially men) admit to having fleeting encounters, we are far from the image of an S.B… or the gay fucking all the guys who cross his path. Of course there are cruising places in provincial cities (bars, clubs, saunas). Of course there are very hot ads on the Internet for men looking for a one-night partner. But rest assured, good people, the provincial homosexual community is not a giant brothel! There are no more sexually obsessed people there than heterosexuals, who are increasingly frequenting libertine clubs and sites. And unless I’m mistaken, there are fewer pedophiles among homosexuals than among priests. In fact, this survey reveals that we heterosexualscomfortable in our convictions, we are completely wrong about the idea we have of sexuality and the romantic aspirations of the third sex. Wild loves and libertinism, this is the cliché that accompanies in our brain the evocation of homosexuality. And it is not because a minister mentioned pedophilic pleasures in a novel that homosexuals in France are all suspect of pedophilia. There are sex offenders in this community. But no more than elsewhere. “There is no smoke without fire, except in foggy weather,” said Coluche. We must believe that our certainties are very clouded. To the question “Do you think you will one day have a lasting romantic relationship?” Everyone answered yes. More and more provincial homosexuals are happy to talk about family rather than flirting. Many specify that they have been living as a couple for several years and that everything is going well, thank you. Yes, my little lady, homosexuals also have a heart, a soul. We are far from Parisian madness and rapist priests. As for the adoption of children by homosexual couples, opinions are surprisingly divided. As for lesbian couples, we are one hundred percent in favor and adoption is a process undertaken or considered for all well-established couples. On the other hand, among men, a small majority is against. The reasons given are three in number: either they do not feel capable or not ready, or it is the blockage of what will people say, or they believe that a child needs a mother. And among those who are for adoption, there are those who are considering it and those who do not feel the need or desire. Is it because they are drowned in the crowd, but all gay couples who are considering or have started the adoption process live in a large urban area. It seems that in the depths of France, we are not yet ready to accept meeting a couple of men walking a child in a stroller on a small sunny path. It’s not that rural French people are more homophobic than urban French people, it’s just that changes happen at the slow pace of the seasons.
Feelings of insecurity
While waiting to find true love, we do like everyone else. We flirt, we flirt, we kiss, we make love between two doors, between two serious affairs, we hang out seriously for a few days or a few months. Who has never done this? Love is a great adventure, for both straight and gay people. A dangerous adventure, sometimes. Since the 1980s, death has lurked and struck the unwary. Since AIDS first developed in the homosexual community, lesbians and gays are still suspected of being in some way the vectors of this terrible disease. Let’s not hide it, many straight people still feel a feeling of physical discomfort in the presence of gay people. A bit like being in the presence of rats. A kind of ancestral fear. Fear of the unknown. However… If it is true that triple therapy has led to the belief (among certain gays and certain straight people) that AIDS would be cured, it is also true that the multiple prevention campaigns carried out by associations and the State have ingrained hygiene habits among homosexuals which are not ready to disappear. However, the condom fight is far from won. In short, we are a little more serene but still ultra vigilant. Not everyone’s case, right? Here, let’s make alittle test: among all the heterosexuals around you, single or fickle spouses: count those who sometimes or often “forget” to have protected sex. You will be surprised. Regardless of the reason given, this deplorable attitude is nothing other than a crime. AIDS and hepatitis are predators that cannot be ignored. In the provinces, in the small towns, we have kept peasant common sense, and the condom seems to be an essential element of gay sex life. No relationship without a condom, that’s what almost all the fluttering singles or couples answered. Four well-established couples (including a female couple) specified that they regularly take an HIV test, as a sort of guarantee for the future.
Unvarnished happiness
Despite this little piece of latex that we must keep in mind and elsewhere, the homosexuals we interviewed say they are rather happy to live in the Province. Paris certainly presents some undeniable advantages in their eyes: anonymity, and therefore tranquility, seems guaranteed (homosexuals also have preconceived ideas). Just like the tolerance that is sometimes lacking in the provinces. And then in Paris, there are plenty of meeting and entertainment places. However, the city of lights does not attract homosexual butterflies. In fact, our survey shows that life in the provinces is decidedly more pleasant despite everything. Less stress, less “strange people”, less superficiality in human relationships. In short, in the provinces happiness is in the grass! In the end, we realize that this community which intrigues us, disturbs us, sometimes scares us, is not so different from us. Homosexuals love, dream of great and beautiful love stories, sometimes tear each other apart, and see some of them diving with delight into an ocean of excess with often dramatic consequences: human beings, like you and me…
Survey carried out by
Bertrand Cailac
Report
Report